GA’s Gamers Arguments: Best of the Worst

Gamers Arguments. Everyone’s got ‘em and everyone’s got opinions on ‘em. So why don’t we air out these deeply-held thoughts? Why don’t we get a little hot under the collar? Why don’t we make our claims known?

The age of the villain has come and gone – mostly alongside the age of the boss fight – in recent years. While standouts have eked out a living here and there, charismatically and deviously thwarting your character, modern gaming has shifted away from this boon. Likewise, from years long gone, let’s talk about some of our favorite bad guys. In this installment of GA’s Gamers Arguments, we’ll hop into our first triple threat match: Bowser, Sephiroth or Ganon? Who – and for what reason! – is the superior wrongdoer?

mparty4_bowser

NICK CANE
Look, dinosaurs gotta stick together. Old guys need company, so I’m going with Bowser. While it’s almost comically easy to write off Ganon(dorf) for his proclivity to being beaten by a pre-pubescent elf, Sephiroth is harder. Firstly, what does Ganon bring to the table, anyways? We accept he is pure evil, greed and power but, beyond that, what’s his worst crime? Stealing? I mean he has a code of honor for chrissakes! NEXT!

Sephiroth is different story. He’s a murderer, duh, and that’s bad. Barring that, can anyone tell me what exactly he is after? World domination and mommy issues; real creative. The Final Fantasy VII storyline is so beyond-MGS-standards convoluted and ultimately weakened by the melodrama. By proxy he is also too convoluted and melodramatic.

But the Big Man, Bowser. There’s an evil I can get behind! Commanding his minions and progeny alike with the single unwavering, steadfast goal of kidnapping Peach. What kind of dad sends his kids against the deadliest killer? A badass bad-guy. And yet – at his very core – there lies a depth of character beyond the others, where he actually has emotions and humanity. A depth that makes him perhaps a reflection of us all? Driven to madness by spurned love, relentless in his efficacy and drive, singular in his ultimate goal. Bowser, much love.

ganondorf_by_rinerdar

LOGAN HOLLINGER
My vote goes to Sephiroth for sheer, bloody-minded difficulty. Granted, I never played FF7 (mine was a Final Fantasy IX household), but in both Kingdom Hearts games, Sephiroth’s status as an anal probe wrapped in sandpaper is legendary. He was the single hardest fight in Kingdom Hearts I, and that includes the final boss AND the Ice Titan AND the Rock Titan AND all of the stupid Gummi Ship levels. I was level 86 and chugged more potions than a medieval frat boy, and my prized Ultima Weapon was still an insipid grilled cheese sandwich compared to Sephiroth’s glorious meatball sub.

And don’t even get me started on Kingdom Hearts II. That one had a number of controller-snappingly frustrating boss fights (looking at you, Final Form Xemnas) but Sephiroth still took the cake and licked it so nobody else could have any. If you missed so much as ONE quick time event, you were dead. Deadwood. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. Let’s see Ganon’s purple Falcon Punch step to that.

Sephiroth_at_Nibelheim_by_DeMoXyRaPhYm_MSlyce

CAMERON WASMUND

I don’t really know jack about Sephiroth because somehow, over my entire lifetime of playing video games, I’ve missed out on FF7. So I did the next best thing: asking a friend to give me the CliffNotes version that’s probably spoiler-ridden, but it’s been like 16 years people, c’mon.

Something about summoning a meteor to destroy a planet so he could take control over it while it was trying to heal and pilot it through space like some sort of super planet stealing pirate? Sounds like a badass villain to me. Also according to my friend, the bad guys don’t win and the player had to go and ruin everything for Sephiroth by, like, saving the world or some nonsense like that. I still award Sephiroth an A+ for effort, though.

Hit Page 2 for the gruesome, bloody three-way FATALITY!

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Written by: Nick Cane

Game writer, fervent lover of mac and cheese. Favorite games are ES4: Oblivion, Kirby's Adventure, Link's Awakening, Final Fantasy 8 and Mario Galaxy.

  • http://twitter.com/LukeAFrazier Luke Frazier

    This is hands-down one of my favorite pieces on the entire site. We need to get serious about silly topics more often.

    • http://www.facebook.com/logan.hollinger Logan Hollinger

      I’m totally down for that. I give detailed thought to silly stuff all the time. Witness the Mario is the Bad Guy article.

    • http://twitter.com/OldLeafNick Nick Cane

      Vidjya gaymes are srs bidnizz

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